Dear Coach,
I have been working on applying and coaching the EAR method of listening. Even though it’s simple, I’ve found that simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy. After consciously applying the technique, I catch myself and the leaders I’m coaching continually getting it wrong.
Do you have any tips to move the EAR method correctly from theory to practice to habit?
Best,
Franklin
Dear Franklin,
I’ve heard similar comments from others. I was asked to create a “cheat sheet” that a person can refer to in real-time. It’s a compilation of my most common reasons during role-play exercises to interject and say, “Time out for a coaching moment.”
Tip One: Stay curious; no assumptions or conclusions
Tip Two: Substitute open-ended for close-ended questions
Tip Three: Use “What” or “How” vs. “Why”
Tip Four: Stay in the E; let them do the work
Tip Five: After A, go back to E not R
Tip Six: Hold off R as long as you can
Tip Seven: Strategic interruption
Tip Eight: If you don’t like what you hear, switch to No-FEAR
Tip One resists the tendency to jump to conclusions, make assumptions or turn your questions into cross-examination. Maintaining a curiosity-based mindset enables you to avoid these mistakes.
Tip Two produces a frequent coaching interruption during role-plays. “Restate that ‘yes or no’ question as an open-ended question,” I’ll say. Sometimes I add, “and make sure that open-ended question doesn’t state or imply your position.”
Tip Three addresses the fact that even though a “Why” question is open-ended, it tends to imply a negative position. Whenever possible, begin the question with “how” or “what” vs. “why.”
Tip Four is designed to resist the tendency to move too quickly out of the E. During role-plays, I frequently interrupt the leader and say, “You’re doing the work for them; let them do the work.” Your staying in the E enables them to do the work.
Tip Five is based on the fact that even though the EAR is a sequence, E followed by A followed by R, it’s not a mechanical requirement. Often, after you’ve been exploring and then confirm your understanding, it’s better to go back to the E than go to the R. Explore what you just heard.
Tip Six stems from the fact that human beings are hardwired for the R. Be aware of this and do your best to resist the tendency to jump to the R.
Tip Seven, strategic interruption, means that it’s okay to interrupt if done for clarification and constructive control. Rather than wait for the person to finish a long statement with a bunch of subpoints, make a quick interruption, “Sarah, one minute please. I need to ask a question for clarification.” Or, “Jim, let me stop you for a second. I want to make sure I’m tracking you. Help me understand…” The combination of using the person’s name and making it clear that the interruption’s purpose is to improve communication makes it highly unlikely you’ll encounter
resistance.
Tip Eight arises when the person you’re listening to says something bothersome. Rather than ignore it, you go to the A, “Let me see if I understand you…” After they acknowledge that you understand them, shift to the No–FEAR method where you briefly and matter-of-factly frame what bothers you and pivot back into EAR mode.
Some people write one or more of these tips on sticky notes to keep in the palms of their hands during the conversation. Or they use mini references like “SI” for “strategic interruption.” Eventually, they don’t need the sticky notes.
Franklin, these are my “secrets” for moving the EAR method from theory to practice to habit. I hope you find them as useful as I and the people I coach have.
Best regards,
Jathan
Jathan Janove is a Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching Master Coach and Practice Leader. You can learn more about him here. If you have a question you’d like him to address, please email us at AsktheCoach@mgscc.net.
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