Jathan Janove, Chief Learning Officer
Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching
Perhaps the biggest misconception in organization leadership is the notion that to lead, you must tell. Yet throughout history many of our greatest leaders knew how to listen, and how to combine listening with leadership. Abraham Lincoln was a virtuoso listener, as was the legendary UCLA coach John Wooden. More recently, Doug Conant, former Campbell Soup Co. CEO, and Alan Mulally, former Ford Motor Co. CEO, are great examples.
As Chief Learning Officer and Master Coach in the Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching organization (MGSCC), I have worked with numerous leaders in C–Suite positions. Without exception, we have spent a lot of time and effort on developing their listening skills. Some leaders needed to be broken of the “telling habit.” While other leaders learned to improve their existing listening/leadership game.
Here are the four listening tools I continually teach, coach and practice with my clients.
The Period-Question-Mark Ratio
The Period-Question-Mark Ratio is my pattern-breaker. It encourages leaders to self-assess mid-conversation, and ask themselves, “What’s my current ratio? For each statement I make (the period), how often am I posing a question (the question-mark)?”
I encourage my clients to aim for a one-to-one ratio. Even if they don’t hit the mark, the ratio nudges leaders from monologue to dialogue, thereby carving out space for others to contribute.
The EAR Method
Next up is a specific listening technique I call the EAR Method. It’s a sequence — Explore, Acknowledge, Respond (E-A-R).
“Explore” refers to asking open-ended, curiosity-piqued questions that demonstrate a genuine desire to learn. “Acknowledge” involves ensuring that the other person feels understood. Note that it’s about them feeling heard, not you. Finally, “Respond” is your chance to share your thoughts, but only after you’ve explored and acknowledged.
The No–FEAR Conversation
When you need to confront someone about an issue or problem, use the No-FEAR approach. Essentially, you add one letter to the EAR method. “F” stands for “frame.” “E” stands for “explore.” “A” stands for “acknowledge.” And “R” stands for “response.”
Here’s how it works: before you engage in the conversation, think through what your frame will be – a succinct, matter-of-fact, non-emotional, nonjudgmental statement of what the issue or problem is. Next, you explore their view. Begin with an open-ended question that doesn’t imply a position. Example: “What are your thoughts?”
Before you respond to what the other person says, first have them acknowledge that you understand them – not the other way around. Respond comes last.
I’ve coached many people who’ve said that No–FEAR is the most valuable thing they learned from me. Why? Because this technique shows that you’re not here to criticize, blame, or point fingers. Rather, you seek a Win-Win solution. In most cases, the other person will follow your lead. Instead of defensiveness or hostility, they’ll look for a solution too.
The other great benefit is that once you get the technique down, you’ll disable the insidious instinct to avoid where you procrastinate and allow the problem to fester. That is why I call the technique the “No”–FEAR.
The Same Day Summary
Although I practiced law for 25 years, I hate the word, “documentation.” Yet I believe strongly in the written word – not to “document;” rather, to communicate. The “Same Day Summary” (SDS) is my go-to tool. It’s something you write shortly after a real-time exchange – based on what you listened to. It’s not a summary in the sense of comprehension. It’s a strategic summary of (only) what you think needs to be captured and preserved in writing.
You send the SDS to the other person or persons who were in the real-time discussion. You don’t request a reply and you don’t ask for agreement. Instead, you include a sentence like, “Let me know if I missed or misstated anything.” Why? Because that sentence frees you up to be strategic. You write only what you think needs to be captured and preserved. If others think you left something out or didn’t state something accurately, they can respond. The ball is in their court.
Conclusion
If a Higher Power granted me one wish for the evolution of our species, the choice would be a no-brainer. Imagine a world in which all human beings genuinely liked listening to and learning from fellow human beings. Wow!
Let’s get started!
PS: If you’d like to read more about these tools and other coaching practices, click the Resources page on the MGSCC.net website.
Jathan Janove is a former attorney previously recognized by his State Bar as “Employment Lawyer of the Year.” Currently, he serves as Chief Learning Officer for Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching, a worldwide executive leadership coaching organization. He is the author, most recently, of The HR Renaissance: From Legal Guard to Growth Partner.
