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Dear Coach,
I read where you referenced the “Sin of Misguided Benevolence.” I think I may be a “sinner.” Can you tell me more?
Best,
Tatiana
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Dear Tatiana,
I’ve dealt with this “sin” throughout my career. It’s one of the “8 Deadly Sins of Mismanagement” discussed in my first book.
Essentially, Misguided Benevolence arises when two things converge: (1) a manager’s instinct to avoid problematic conversations; and (2) a manager’s kindness or compassion. As I explain in the book, the avoidance instinct arises naturally and inevitably. It served us well in prehistoric times. It’s not helpful, however, for managing others in today’s workplace.
I strongly support benevolence toward employees. However, I draw the line when it’s combined with the avoidance instinct.
Here’s an example: Regarding attendance, performance, or conduct, employees zig when the manager thinks they should zag. But instead of promptly, directly, and candidly confronting the employees, the misguided benevolent manager does little or nothing to redirect employee behavior. Instead, they rationalize: “Maybe they’re having a bad day.” “Maybe they’ll catch on.” “Maybe I’ll wait until the annual review.” Surprise, surprise! Rationalizing (which means telling “rational lies”) doesn’t work.
Perhaps the manager says something to the employee, but the message is couched in a way to avoid conflict or disagreement. As a result, the employee doesn’t come away with an accurate sense of the problem and what needs to change.
So instead of the problem being solved quickly and efficiently, it festers. Eventually, the manager’s growing frustration leads to a negative, unproductive exchange. What could have been a long-term win-win relationship ends up lose-lose.
I have observed this phenomenon throughout my 45-year career. What’s the solution? It’s the No-FEAR Conversation, which I’ve written about here, here, and here. Essentially, when you as a manager observe a zig that should be a zag, you employ the No-FEAR technique. I sometimes call the process DIS’ng employees in a positive way (Direct, Immediate, Specific).
Start with the F-Frame: a succinct, nonjudgmental, matter-of-fact statement of what the problem is. Next, E-Explore the employee’s view, beginning with an open-ended question like, “What are your thoughts?” After you think you understand them, go to A-Acknowledge, where you seek their acknowledgment that you understand them: “If I understand you correctly… Is this right?” Finally, you R–Respond; you state your position, which should focus primarily on the road ahead.
That’s it. Numerous managers have told me it’s a game-changer. Once they learn and practice No-FEAR, they never go back to whatever they did before.
That ancient instinct to avoid actually comes in handy. Use it as a trigger to do the opposite. When the employee’s zig creates that “ugh” feeling in the pit of your stomach, treat it as a wake-up call: time for a No-FEAR conversation!
Best,
Jathan
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Jathan Janove is a Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching Master Coach and Practice Leader. You can learn more about him here.
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