Dear Coach,
I’ve heard you talk about “DIS’ng” people when you have issues or problems. What do you mean?
Best,
Jim
Dear Jim,
My version of DIS’ng is the opposite of “dissing” as in disrespecting.
D stands for “Direct.” I stands for “Immediate.” And S stands for “Specific.”
When someone does something that’s problematic, bothersome or upsetting, DIS them. That means communicating directly, which means real-time conversation, not email, text, voicemail or social media post. The conversation can be face-to-face, telephone, Zoom, FaceTime or similar platforms. The key is a real-time exchange of views.
Immediate means not letting things fester. The first sign of trouble is usually the best time to act. Both professionally and personally, I’ve experienced numerous situations that could have been resolved Win-Win yet ended up Lose-Lose because of delay in addressing the problem.
Specific means sharing what you think is problematic, bothersome or upsetting without characterizing it. Just the facts that led to how you feel. Instead of “You’re late!”, it’s “I understood that we were to meet at eight. It’s now 8:30 and I’ve been waiting here for half an hour. What happened?” Instead of “Stop being a jerk!”, it’s “When you interrupt me and call me an idiot, it’s very upsetting.”
If people make a habit of this kind of DIS’ng, there will be a whole lot less of the other kind.
Best,
Jathan
Jathan Janove is a Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Coaching Master Coach and Practice Leader. You can learn more about him here.
